I am generally someone that does speak my mind. If I have a problem or issue I put it on the table right away, clear it up and move on. If only my business mind was as forthcoming as my emotions, well then I suppose I would just be a different person. Talking about my feelings has never been easy for me, and more especially with the person who causes them. I’m not sure why, I’ve just always been like that. Maybe I’m afraid if I speak up then I also need to admit what I know is true, even if I am having a hard time admitting to myself. Afraid of confrontation, not really – afraid of feeling vulnerable, most definitely; either way, I will be all ready to speak and the words get caught. They are playing out in my mind and will not come out of my mouth.
Recently things have been strained with a close friend of mine. Right, actually I was really really mad. I thought it was the sort of thing that I would just suck up and years from now it may or may not come out if I even ever saw him again. Yet, this was a friendship that I really valued in my life. Rather than just calling him out on how I felt wronged, I chose to sit in my anger. In the moment I really didn’t see how my saying anything was going to make a difference either way, and in my unwillingness to speak my truth I was about to throw away an entire friendship. Luckily the universe interfered.
Now I will admit it came out in writing not speaking, but the fact is it came out – everything, the whole truth, and the moment I hit send I felt lighter. I was no longer holding on to the ‘what if’s.’ It was just out there, from the bottom of my heart – I spoke my truth. And the result: a mended friendship with someone I have long respected and loved. It didn’t change what happened, it didn’t make it right, but it didn’t have to. What had to happen was the opportunity to move forward. Anger is a heavy load to bear, and one that isn’t always necessary. Chances are, had I not held on for as long as I did, the anger wouldn’t have run so deep – though perhaps everything happens in the way it does for a reason.
If there is something you need to say, say it. To live a life of no regrets, speaking your truth must be a part of it. Live fully, trust the universe and surrender.