I think it’s all there in the title isn’t it. I have seen a ton of stuff on social media these days (mainly because I have spent a ton more time on social media these days) about using our lack of time as our excuse for not keeping our house clean, or getting our workouts in, or finally finishing that project we keep pushing to the side. All well and good, for me I knew that I was a procrastinator long before all this began. But beyond that… I write a lot about how “busy” is the norm, we are constantly juggling a million different things, constantly adding to our plate to feel the satisfaction of success, pushing our edges and teetering on burnout so often, that when it all finally stopped the momentum behind us quite frankly kept going. The problem was, we had nowhere to go. And while I wrote, meditated and prayed about surrender in those first couple weeks of my life extension (gyms and studios) being closed the truth was I still kept going. Switching gears, quickly checking my blind spot and then keeping my foot cranked on the gas as fast as always. Have I mentioned lately that I’m a workaholic? A workaholic in what I hoped was recovery, but like so many before me easily fooled by daily habits and distractions. The moment the shit went down and I didn’t know what to do with my time, thoughts and more specifically emotions, my tunnel vision turned on and I got to work madly putting together online programs as so many others in my industry did.
I know I’m not alone in falling a bit into the rabbit hole. I also don’t think there is anything wrong with it. But now that we are nearing the end of week 4 here in Canada, where are we? My continual race finally began to run out of gas. When I actually looked around my somewhat clean house, realized that what I felt I needed to do was done and actually surrendered to the slowness of it all a few things finally caught up with me. The first, a lot of the promises I made to myself two years ago when I first started to slow the ship down and head out into unchartered and what I planned to be calmer waters, had been re-negotiated, a couple I even broke. The second, after doing all the soul searching to make sure that where I focused my time would truly be what filled my heart was sort of there, but also not really. Third, that when I FINALLY get there and succumb to the space where there isn’t really much to do, I actually really enjoy it. Like really enjoy it.
In this last week of actually surrendering. Of enjoying the luxury of free time, by sleeping in, reading (to which I could and have done all day when I get the chance), doing puzzles, very much enjoying my trial of Les Mills on demand for daily workouts. Finally, sitting down to write and not just my blogs, but the writing I have been promising myself I would do for years. Because that’s what happened when the momentum behind me finally faded. I was back with just me once again. To what I wrote about last week in The Great Unknown, and what I have continued to ruminate over since then: what I value, who I value and how I can best serve. To continue to fill my cup so I can share it with you. As always, thank you for reading. Namasté.