Tale of a Bad Yogi

I’m a bad Yogi, I just walked out of a yoga class. In my defense the website said Hatha which I was hoping would just cover the physical output I needed after a serious lack of exercise this week. Their actual paper schedule said Restorative, though in Ubud how many are going by those I’m not sure. In other strange news, my husband who doesn’t really like Yin because it’s too slow decided to stay.
So the two sided coin. Bad Yogi: left the teacher in the middle of class, couldn’t stay to see where the class was going, couldn’t go with the flow. Or, Good Yogi: listened to my inner voice actually screaming not whispering to get out of there. In a new shock to my acupuncturist, massage therapist and anyone who has done body work on me in the last 7 years – I think I have too much Yin. And a shock to even myself, I’d rather be in a hot yoga class right now. After 6 days in Ubud, 2 of those days on long scooter rides north and east my vata is about to cause the next hurricane.
In Ayurveda, the science of life or ancient Indian medicine practices, we are all composed of three dishes: pitta the fire, vata the air and kapha the earth. Everything in nature is composed to different levels of this from ourselves, time, seasons, food etc.. there are many simple and complex quizzes that you can find online to discover your dominate dosha, for me I tag team between air and fire, and well we all know what happens when we put those two together. Essentially an anxiety attack in the middle of restorative yoga. But these are the things that put me over the edge, I have been driving around or sitting for the last few days, in essentially a downtown busy city with constant scooters and honking surrounding me. Remembering why I left the heart of the city in Toronto for my very quiet street in East York. Expecting to move to actually release the trapped fire energy, instead I’m sitting in a room upstairs, these constant city sounds surrounding me. A lofty high ceiling above me, a teacher who keeps leaving me in silence and talking about the spine in a questionable way (trapped fire ignite) and then.. the fan goes on. Gratefully, someone else who was most likely experiencing the exact same thing, made the first move and got up to leave. And all us teachers and students know what happens after that – dominos! And so I did it. I left, and am currently sitting across from the studio at a bar drinking a beer (no smoke this time) waiting for the class to end. In a dark little cave as the sun sets. Grounding my energy (terrible that alcohol is grounding for me, but that will be another blog) pushing all my angst out in this post and it’s working. Know thyself – and I do! And I am not the perfectly defined Yogi of sexy selfies and continuous calm energy that is floating around Bali in all loveliness – I’m a pitta/vata combo for fuck sakes. So whether I’m a bad yogi or a good yogi I actually don’t care because I am me. And right here in this little bar, writing in the notes section of my phone I am at peace. I am connected to my Self and that is my practice that I can’t find in any studio. And, if you are ever in my class and you have to leave, even if you don’t know why – I give you permission and also more importantly I thank you for listening to you, because as a teacher that’s all I ever ask.

PS for the record, I did one of the best classes of my life two days ago at a studio here in Ubud that inspired me deeply as a teacher and student. It also inspired a very long private journal post about taking my teaching to the next level and potential future adventures. I’m also even more excited for Costa Rica if that’s even possible.

PPS this picture was taken at a different studio in Canggu, Bali where I was doing my own self-practice.